I\u2019m driving back toward my parent\u2019s house along a winding country road to the old farm where I grew up as a boy. I had just left their farm earlier today after visiting them for a few days, but I had to come back when I realized I left my briefcase behind. I curse myself for being so forgetful. I was already driving for two hours and only had to drive a couple of more to get back to Chicago when I realized I didn\u2019t have my briefcase. As I drive back, I see that the skies are becoming dark with storm clouds. I feel anxious. I always feel anxiety when I have to drive in a bad summer storm. I curse myself for being so forgetful because I would be home by now. I hope to get to their house before the storm hits.<\/p>\n
The tires of my car crunch against the loose gravel as I drive up a narrow road that leads to a weather-beaten farmhouse that hugs close to the ground. My parents come out to see who has arrived and wave when they see me. They don\u2019t act too surprised that I\u2019m back again after leaving just a few hours ago.<\/p>\n
\u201cI forgot my briefcase,\u201d I tell them as I close the car door.<\/p>\n
My father points his nose to the sky and says, \u201cThey say it\u2019s going to rain good tonight, look at them clouds.\u201d Black clouds hang like smoke beneath the grey clouds. The wind begins to pick up and there is a quick chill to the summer air.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou can smell the rain, it will be good for the corn,\u201d says my mother as she takes hold of my arm and leads me into the house.<\/p>\n
I hear loud music coming from a frame house about fifty feet away. It is also weather beaten, the wood rotting and warped. My brother Johnny and his wife Louise rent the house from my parents. My brother helps out on the farm when he isn\u2019t too hung over. Hearing the loud music, I know they must be having a party.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019re watching the twins tonight, your brother Johnny and Louise got one of them parties going on,\u201d says father. As we go up the porch stairs the wood creaks with our weight.<\/p>\n
Inside the living room, Johnny and Louise\u2019s twin boys who are four years old, sit on the floor while working on a jigsaw puzzle. They stare at me with blank expressions as I give them a wave. They say nothing and continue to look at the puzzle.<\/p>\n
\u201cBabysitting is never easy,\u201d says mother as she lights a cigarette and blows smoke from the corner of her mouth.<\/p>\n
Father slumps onto the couch as the old cushions mold around his thin body. Mother goes back to the coffee table to play her game of solitaire. <\/p>\n
I hear a rumble in the distance, it becomes louder, making the floors vibrate. I realize it is a train approaching. I move toward the window and see a freight train go by. The tracks separate their backyard from their cornfield. I feel relieved seeing the train go by, for a moment I thought it was a tornado coming through. The twins stand next to me as I hold the drapes back and watch box cars and flat cars, click and rock against the rails. The shapes of the cars look vague in the darkness as the train rumbles along.<\/p>\n
\u201cThose wheels sure are big,\u201d I mumble.<\/p>\n
The twins look on with torpid faces. My anxiety increases as I watch the freight cars go by. I have a sudden urge to flee, but my anxiety quickly subsides as the last car goes by. A short freight. The twins go back to their puzzle on the floor.<\/p>\n
\u201cOne more train will come by tonight, there\u2019s usually two freight lines that come by on Wednesday night. Those box cars sure are big, you can hold twenty cattle in one of those cars,\u201d says father.<\/p>\n
I continue to stand by the window. Tall weeds in the yard bend violently from the wind. I hear the distant sound of the train in the distance.<\/p>\n
\u201cYep, another train will come by tonight,\u201d says father as he pulls the drapes shut. \u201cSometimes I go out there and stand as close as I can to the tracks when a train goes by. It makes my whole body vibrate as I feel the earth shake beneath me.”<\/p>\n
My father has told me this many times before. I need to hit the road so I tell them that I\u2019m leaving. I pick up my briefcase in the corner of the living room where I had left it earlier in the morning. Father embraces me and I feel his unshaven cheeks against mine. He lets out a shrill giggle. Mother pecks my cheeks but pulls away before I can give her a peck.<\/p>\n
\u201cSometimes I sit up all night and wait for the train to come by, one of these days I\u2019m going to jump a boxcar and see where it takes me,\u201d he says with another giggle. <\/p>\n
\u201cYou drive safe, it looks like a bad storm will be coming soon, but the rain will be good for the corn,\u201d says mother. She closes the door as I walk down the creaky steps.<\/p>\n
I put my briefcase in the backseat and hear my brother\u2019s wife, Louise, call out to me. She waves for me to come inside as she stands at the doorway of her house. I do not want to drive home with the threat of rain, especially at night. She waits by the open doorway until I come inside. She looks pretty in her red dress as she stands on the porch barefooted.<\/p>\n
\u201cWe\u2019re just having a small party with some friends,\u201d she says. Her long blonde tickles my face as she gives me a kiss.<\/p>\n
\u201cI had to come back for my briefcase, I was driving two hours you see before I realized that I forgot \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHave a drink or two,\u201d she interrupts. Louise was never a good listener.<\/p>\n
She leads me into the kitchen. It is brightly lit with too many fluorescent lights on the ceiling. A transvestite sits at the kitchen table in a gold body stocking that shimmers under the light. He is thin and almost could pass for a woman but his makeup can\u2019t totally cover his stubble. Others stand by the kitchen sink that is used as a bar. My brother, Johnny, comes out of the bedroom that adjoins the kitchen. His eyelids are droopy as he shakes my hand.<\/p>\n
\u201cI think your brother should curl his hair now that it\u2019s turning grey. He would look much nicer with curly hair,\u201d says the transvestite.<\/p>\n
I ask Johnny how he is doing. Even though I had just visited my parents for the last days, I never saw him. He and Louise always like to party late into the night and sleep all day. He stares at me for awhile and blinks his eyes. He moves his mouth as if he wants to say something but words never come out. I wait for my brother to answer me. I\u2019m patient with him. He is always slow to answer. He finally clears his throat and mumbles, \u201cOkay, I guess.\u201d <\/p>\n
A one-arm man comes into the kitchen holding a drink and smiles and nods at the others in the kitchen. The transvestite gets up and offers him her seat. Once he sits down, he massages his back and shoulders and picks at the skin on his neck like a mother baboon grooming a baby.<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s my twin,\u201d says the transvestite, \u201cbut we look nothing alike. We\u2019re not identical. I think they call it fraternal.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTwins!\u2019 says the one-arm man and lets out a loud laugh.<\/p>\n
Louise comes back into the kitchen. She has changed out of her red dress. She wears a black bra and denim shorts, made ultra short due to the handi-work of her scissors. Her shorts don\u2019t cover the bottom half of her ass cheeks. She starts to gyrate to the music and someone passes a camera around. Pictures of her are taken as she dances, preens and bends in provocative positions.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m one with the camera. I really have a relationship with the camera,\u201d she says as she slides one bra strap off her shoulder.<\/p>\n
Johnny focuses the camera on Louise as she squats low to the floor, her legs spread while she makes a pouty face. He holds his aim for a long time before taking the picture.<\/p>\n
\u201cI bet that\u2019ll be a good picture,\u201d says the one-arm man.<\/p>\n
\u201cSomeone give me a cigarette,\u201d says Louise. She stabs one in her mouth as she gets up from the floor.<\/p>\n
Johnny places the camera in my hand and mumbles, \u201cAnyone can use it, it\u2019s pretty simple.\u201d<\/p>\n
I hold the camera as Louise begins to dance in front of me. \u201cThe camera and me are one, it\u2019s a true relationship,\u201d she says as she slips down her other bra strap.<\/p>\n
\u201cNow take a good picture!\u201d a woman shouts.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou only get one try!\u201d cries the transvestite.<\/p>\n
I shoot a close up of her ear. There\u2019s a hole in her lobe where an earring should be. <\/p>\n
Someone pulls the camera from me. Louise lets her bra drop to the floor. The one-arm man giggles between his teeth. She dances with a furious intensity, spinning like a dervish. She spins on one foot while the other leg is held high in the air. The transvestite joins in, dancing in a spinning motion while his boot heels tap along the worn linoleum floor.<\/p>\n
Johnny approaches me. He sips his drink from a straw. I do not know if he is happy that Louise is dancing. His eyes are fixed on the transvestite. I also watch Louise and the transvestite bump hips and grind against each other as they dance. I tell him how I had just stayed with mother and father for the last few days and was surprised that I hadn\u2019t seen him around the farm. I ask how things are going on the farm because he is supposed to help father out. He stares at me for awhile, blinking his eyes, his mouth moving as if wanting to say something, but words don\u2019t come out. After another long sip from his drink, Johnny finally answers me. I can barely hear him as he mumbles, \u201cOkay, I guess.\u201d His mouth moves some more as if he wants to say something else. I wait for Johnny to speak. I am patient with him. But he doesn\u2019t say another word and returns to sipping his drink. We watch Louise dance as her blonde hair whips in the air like a wild flame.<\/p>\n
I leave the kitchen and head into the living room. It isn\u2019t as bright as the kitchen. I walk around a nude man lying on the floor as a woman massages him. I go to the window and watch the torrential rain come down. Lightning flashes across the sky and lights up the muddy driveway and my car. I feel relieved it is raining. My anxiety is always at its highest before the rain comes. A fatigue overwhelms me. I want to sleep.<\/p>\n
I go to the corner of the living room and sit on the floor. I struggle to keep my eyes open. I wonder how I will drive home when I\u2019m feeling so sleepy. I do not want to sleep at my brother\u2019s house while he has this party going on. My brother\u2019s parties. I remember when father would come to them. By the middle of the night, father\u2019s bony body would be stripped of all his clothes as he would stand on the kitchen table and let out a giggle while Louise planted kisses up and down his legs. My brother would sip his drink from a straw and quietly watch. <\/p>\n
Louise and Johnny also come into the living room. They dance together. I watch Louise\u2019s shorts climb higher up her ass as her knees bend and pivot with the music. Johnny shuffles his feet from side to side in a sluggish manner. Someone has raised the volume of the music. I can no longer hear the rain.<\/p>\n
The transvestite sits down next to me. He lights a cigarette and offers me one from his pack. I tell him I quit smoking, but he hands the lighted cigarette to me anyway and lights another for himself. The profile of his large face looks haughty as he rests his head against the wall.<\/p>\n
\u201cI like to smoke,\u201d he says, \u201cit\u2019s sure-proof evidence that I\u2019m breathing. I can go into a panic when I\u2019m not sure if I\u2019m breathing or not.\u201d<\/p>\n
I sit and smoke the cigarette while the transvestite nervously grinds his boot heel into the carpet.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat are you thinking?\u201d he asks.<\/p>\n
\u201cNothing really,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n
\u201cCan you interpret dreams? I\u2019ve been having the most interesting dreams lately.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m not too good at that,\u201d I confess.<\/p>\n
\u201cI had a dream last night where I locked my mother and father in this prison cell. They were begging me to let them out, and then I threw rattlesnakes in the cell. I laughed at them while they squirmed with fear. Pretty crazy dream isn\u2019t it? What do you think it means?\u201d<\/p>\n
I shrug and let out a long exhale of smoke. I have no interest in talking about his dream because that would lead into talking about his life, his relationship with his parents, his childhood, and who knows what else. I am too weary to listen.<\/p>\n
The transvestite continues to stare at me intently, waiting for my interpretation. I feel I must say something. I wing it and say, \u201cIt means you are able to be yourself at last. You have put your past behind you and you are free.\u201d<\/p>\n
The transvestite lets out a long stream of smoke upward and is in deep thought. \u201cThat\u2019s good, that\u2019s good! I like that!\u201d he says and gets up with a burst of energy and starts to dance with Johnny and Louise. <\/p>\n
I wonder if the rain has stopped. Summer storms never last long. Summer storms. The rain will be good for the corn. The cigarette makes me more sleepy and I feel a little lightheaded. I crush the cigarette out on the carpet that is covered with cigarette burns and ashes. I close my eyes and think how nice it would be to just go to sleep, but I don\u2019t want to sleep at my brother\u2019s house. I need to get back to the city and go to work in the morning. I have a four-hour drive ahead of me. I force myself to stand so I can say good bye to Johnny and Louise.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt was so nice of you to come by,\u201d says Louise as she gives me a hug. Her nipples press against my shirt as she grinds herself against my groin.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ll see you soon Johnny,\u201d I say to my brother as we shake hands.<\/p>\n
Johnny nods his head and moves his lips as if ready to say something. I wait for him to speak. I\u2019m patient with my brother. \u201cOkay,\u201d he mumbles.<\/p>\n
The driveway is muddy as I walk back to the car. I hear Louise let out a laugh and soon others bellow out in raucous laughter.<\/p>\n
I stand by my car and think how I don\u2019t like driving in the dark, but at least the storm has passed. The thought gives me comfort until I hear a rumble in the distance. Is it thunder? Another storm coming? It\u2019s the blare of a horn from a diesel as another train approaches. The second freight in the night just like father said. I feel the ground vibrating beneath my feet and watch boxcars roll by. I hear a shrill giggle that pierces over the roar of the train and see father standing at the side of the tracks. His body stands just inches away from the boxcars that pass along in the night.<\/p>\n
\u00a9 Copyright Wawzenek 2012<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I\u2019m driving back toward my parent\u2019s house along a winding country road to the old farm where I grew up as a boy. I had just left their farm earlier today after visiting them for a few days, but I had to come back when I realized I left my briefcase behind.<\/p>\n …<\/span><\/p>\n