So I tried going to church. I sat in the back pew and I felt a panic attack coming on as the service started. My heart began to race as I stood up with the others when the priest made his entrance. My knees grew weaker, I couldn’t control my breathing and I thought I was going to faint. I didn’t want to faint in church, so after 10 minutes I had to leave. Once I was outside, the panic subsided and I felt like I was able to breathe again. The cold air felt good as it stung against my skin that was soaked with sweat. I wondered how I would ever get back to work and sit through meetings if I couldn’t even sit through a church service. Later that afternoon, I decided to go outside to get a burger. I had to go out since I had no food in the house. I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle going to a grocery store with all those aisles and bright lights, so I went to a takeout joint a block away. I had a death grip on the counter as I waited for my order. My head felt heavy, the lights in the takeout joint seemed much too bright. Why does everyone insist on using fluorescent lights? I thought I was going to go blind. If I wasn’t so hungry, I would have run out of there. How long does it take to make a burger anyway? I waited. I wanted to sit on one of the counter stools, but I had this phobia that if I sat down, my knees would lock and I wouldn’t be able to stand back up. After I got my order, I struggled to get home. My legs felt they were going to give out and I found it difficult to breathe.
After I had ate my burger, I took a nap. I’m spoiled by afternoon naps since I haven’t gone to work. It was late in the evening and dark in my apartment when I woke up from my nap. I made my way into the kitchen to get a glass of water when I saw my neighbors’ bathroom light on below. I grew excited as I saw some flesh through the window. She was naked as she stood there looking at herself in the mirror. As I watched her, I thought she had a new tattoo on her arm, but the more I looked, the more it didn’t look like a tattoo. It looked too splotched and shapeless. It looked like a large bruise. She also had the same mark on her ass as well. With lipstick in her hand, she scrawled something on the mirror. I couldn’t make out the words. I was too high up to read the print. I wondered what she was writing.