Shirley didn’t go back to that club or any club again. But she still loved the idea of working in some kind of dance club. That’s the life for me, she thought.
Shirley’s third idea was to be a dominatrix. She thought it was a perfect job since she had felt asexual for the last two years. She had no sexual desire to be with a man or a woman. Shirley didn’t hate sex, nor was she afraid of it. She just lost total interest in having to do it with someone.
Shirley never thought her lack of sexual desire was due to her depression, never thought it was due to her heavy drinking that had dramatically increased over the last couple of years, nor did she think it was due to a hormonal imbalance her body was experiencing. She just thought it was a natural thing to lose total interest in sex at the age of 51 though she still loved to dress in a sexy manner and gain a man’s attention.
Being a dominatrix is the ticket, she thought. I can make over a 100 bucks for an hour’s worth of work. She knew that as a dominatrix she wouldn’t have to engage in sex with her clients. She can dress sexy, tease men, humiliate them, and her lack of sex drive wouldn’t make any difference. Shirley thought it was a perfect job.
As she drank on her couch she would read the ads in the alternative papers advertising for a dominatrix position. She read the ads, highlighted them, and read them all over again, but never called those numbers. Eventually she would throw the section away only to do the same thing when the alternative paper came out with a new issue the following week.
She once confided to a friend about her desire to be a dominatrix. Her friend asked her if she ever got into S&M in any of her relationships in the past. Shirley looked dumbfounded at the question and said she never experienced S&M in any shape or form. Her sex life had been pretty vanilla, she never saw sex as a creative act. It usually consisted of the missionary position and nothing more. Her friend then challenged her as to why she wanted to be a dominatrix when she had no idea what it was all about?
Shirley had no answer to that question as she sipped her drink.